Haunted

The last two weeks I have semi- binge watched the Haunting of Hill House from Netflix. What I initially thought to be a really great scare series gave me a huge shock and surprise in its finale.

In an earlier episode the oldest son, who also authors a book about the his experience surviving Hill House insists that ghosts are not real but more like a wish, a secret, something the mind creates.

In the finale as all of the loose ends are tied up and the entire truth is revealed to us and the now adult Crain children that earlier description of ghosts is expounded upon. Fear, trauma, guilt, pain, secrets, regret, failings are ghosts. A wish is a ghost.

It got me thinking in a moment of clarity sort of way. Wow! Baggage is such a passive reference to all of the emotional shit we are all carrying around but a ghost is active. It has its own agenda. Its own twisted ability to carry out ruin. To me the description of ghost seemed so fitting and accurate for what seems to follow me wherever I venture.

Then I thought about how for so long I had been under the guise of all of my own ghosts. And how much longer I was going to allow myself to be held in their grips? And all of the efforts to  rid myself of these entities. How their power in my life has been reduced in many ways. And how I have been feeling lighter and happier lately. How I feel as though I am getting my shine back. How in this whole process even those ghosts have changed shape. Now that I have seen and felt and lived in deep darkness and pain that light feels more vivid and sublime.

The bewilderment of this shift in my own line of thinking has me wondering. How would we attack the ghosts that sabotage our lives? I ponder if instead of dropping or letting go of our baggage we would be more aggressive with ghosts? Can we ever truly be free?

All of us are existing in this world with a gaggle of ghosts whispering in our ears, looking back at us in the mirror, following us wherever we go, stealing our time, consuming our ability to be present, feeding off of our gift of joy.

How we allow our ghosts to not only live in our past but into our present and influence our future. We allow it to continue.

Until we are woke. The moment we can arise to consciousness we have the power to take our lives back. We have the choice to remain in blind ignorance or to take our lives back into our own hands. But that freedom is not easy. That freedom is not without work and painstaking changes and constant vigilance.

I wrestle with my ghosts on a daily basis. Some of them I would like to believe I have buried but I can’t truly say for sure. Others seem to linger waiting for an opportunity. I don’t know if I will ever absolve myself of them all. In moments it feels like an impossible feat. What can I do to help these ghosts find peace? And in doing so find my own peace. How do I bring closure to my past? How do I stop allowing my ghosts to wreak havoc on my present?

The answers are in the light, the insight, the absolute acceptance and vulnerability that comes with opening the Pandora’s box that resides within us all.

I am willing to open mine. Are you?

xxxxxxxx

Melissa

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