I have been blogging on my site since October of 2019. Originally, I planned on writing two blog posts per week. I successfully wrote two blog posts per week from October until March. In March I realized that rather than feeling enthusiastic and passionate about blogging I was feeling anxiety and pressure to create output at that frequency. I struggled with enjoying watching my visitor and view stats climb while my spirits plummeted. Then, I had a moment of clarity……
I created this blog for me to share with the world my reinvention, my pain, my joy and my growth out of some difficult life experiences. The goal was to share authentically with others who may be in similar circumstances or share like feelings to reduce loneliness, increase connectedness and perhaps even shift our collective expectations of self. The goal was not to gain followers and regurgitate internet BS just for the sake of posting something. The goal was not to become a blogosphere sensation and catapult into insta-fame with broader opportunities to create and share. Although I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that may be a teensy desire of mine.
With all of these things in mind I will stay the course whether people visit my site or not. Because from what I have gleaned from others perseverance is a necessity of blogging.
So I say to you all, as much as to myself:
I ain’t dead yet and neither is my dream!
We just had to slow down and keep our balance in life. Truly, knowing when to say no or back off is a pretty big deal for me. In the past I have been the queen of overscheduling and overdoing. Creating a massive shit show and morphing into a giant tense bitch on wheels so that all of the “fun” I have stuffed into our lives becomes not enjoyable to any of us. I can’t very well preach “Live in the present” if I am not practicing that mindset. Learning to be and enjoy and slow down has been a real gift to me. Not that I have mastered it yet. But there has been definite progress. I realized that when I die no one is going to care how much I accomplished off of my infinite “To Do” list. The only rat race or climb to the top I am in are the ones I choose to participate in. I don’t have to keep pace with anyone. I certainly don’t want to be anything like “The Jones”. My current priorities are filling up my soul by spending time doing what I love with who I love and spreading love. Pretty simple. But not really when you exist in a world that promotes constant consumerism. When you are the type of person who self validates through accomplishment and goal achievement. Shifting and believing less is more is a challenge that runs way deeper than just saying no. It means that I have had to learn a different way to feel good about myself. It requires me to understand to my core that I am enough because of who I am and how I live rather than what I have or have not accomplished. While I am in no way knocking bloggers or other people who manage to create daily or pack a lot of stuff into their schedules, I know that’s not for me. At least not right now.
My stats may be on the decline but I am growing away!