To My Strong Willed Girl

Oh my strong will defiant child….. When will you learn that the world is not against you?That we, your parents, love you more than anything in this whole world and beyond. We adore you and want to give you every opportunity to grow and foster who you are and what you dream of becoming. When will you realize this fact and stop fighting us?! When will you recognize us, not as the enemy but as your biggest supporters?

You came into this world giving everything and everyone a suspicious and sideways slant. And I cannot help but wonder what did I do to make you so distrustful? What is it inside of you that sees the world as a scary and frightening place when I see beauty everywhere? I ponder if it was the occasional extra cup of coffee or deli meat or hair dye? Is there something defective in my DNA? Is it my own traumas passed onto you genetically?

What did I do wrong?

Did I miss something, somewhere to make you feel so unsettled?

Can I accept that this may just be you, regardless of all of the love and support we’ve provided?

I feel sad and scared for you then.

I feel sad and scared for us.

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of raising a human so challenging. I worry about how you will get in your own way of your dreams and happiness. I fear my own lacking ability to help you be your best version of yourself.

It is not that I want to break your spirit. On the contrary, I love the fire in your soul. I want to guide you into harnessing that power and passion. Teach you how to use it to do your bidding.

But today I feel defeated. I feel lost. I feel guilt. I feel powerless.

My dearest girl, my love for you is infinite and tremendous. I will continue to cheer you and help propel you in whatever direction you choose. But you have to recognize that only you hold the key to your happiness. Only you can actualize your dreams. Only you can create gratitude and peace within yourself.

Nothing and no one prepares you for the emotional challenges of raising a child. Having a child is literally like constantly holding a mirror up to your soul. Some days it is a mirror you feel elated and proud to gaze at. Other days, days like today, you veer away from it. You can never put the mirror down. Nor do you want to. For even on my worst days, the days when I feel like a huge mom failure she still loves me and I love her more and we try again.

xxxxxxx

Melissa

4 thoughts on “To My Strong Willed Girl

  1. **hugs** One Mom to another. It’s beyond difficult to get a kid to see past their own walls. I used to semi-joke that my son’s name meant if there was a terrible and complicated way to do something, he would find it rather than take the straight and easier path. It’s absolute hell to see them making life difficult for themselves – and the more we say “My Beloved Child, here is an easier way to do it” the more hell bent they seem to become on doing it the other way. Hang in there, Mom. Let her figure it out for herself. Try not to say “I told you so” – in fact, try not to offer advice unless she really asks you. It’s harder than anything else. I will say, these stubborn kids make the most admirable adults.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Some days I can have that hands off, figure it out and other days…… whew! It’s rough!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. She’s articulate,bilingual,compassionate,genuine,hilarious,intelligent,loving,motivated,resilient and a whole bunch of other things too. Sis, you’re doing a wonderful job. She’s a world changer.

    Liked by 1 person

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