Who Can You Be You With?

A recent casual conversation with a friend got me pondering and analyzing. We had been chatting, catching up when she referred to how few people she felt that she could truly be herself around. That struck me. Outwardly, I didn’t really react but internally I felt a bit sad for her.

The comment stuck with me and I began to mentally tick through my list of “friends” and “family” and consider who I could really be myself around. Was my list as abundant as I thought? Was I being naive?

So I really decided to take my time, considering each person in my life who is in my coveted inner circle. I evaluated not so much their behaviors or reactions to me as my ability to feel I could be myself. Truly act as myself. Without concern for judgment.

And actually, the number of those who I have felt comfortable enough to be me in all facets is not so small. For not unlike each of us as human beings I have dualities- positive and negative. I thought surely that would turn people off. Maybe it does but they stick around in spite of me or because of me. I am not so sure which or in combination? Those who have had the courage to witness all of me- Trust me when I say I can be a lot- is impressive.

Or is it? What is a normal amount of people who accept and love you unconditionally, “warts and all”?

Moreover, how many people can I let it all hang out with and not be bothered by their opinion? Is that a testament to their character or my self-growth?

It is important to me to feel that I can be real around people I enjoy spending time with or consider to be a friend. It is important to me to feel authentic and genuine with other human beings. My depth and intimacy may exist on a range dependent upon comfort and trust but rest assured that the cashier at the grocer and my girlfriends are still getting truest me.

Even if we get real down and dirty in the trenches of the day to day nitty gritty, aside from my man and child there are still a number of people who have attended to me in all forms of human. I think what I recognize as of late is that truly we beings are not so different. I must make myself vulnerable enough to allow people to see me so that they in turn will lower their walls. Almost like a show me yours and I’ll show you mine type exchange. I must carry on being me in all my perfect imperfectness so that my daughter observes and learns how to remain open to growth, learning and change. To demonstrate for her that perfection is a farce and a thief of joy. Let it go and just be truly you. That’s where fulfillment exists.

Whatever the reasons or the root I am grateful to feel safe being me in front of the world.

Now I ask you….Who can you be you with?

XXXXX-

Melissa

4 thoughts on “Who Can You Be You With?

  1. I like that you feel that you can be you around most of the people in your circle. It’s a testament to not only your friends but to yourself; as you said, it requires a willingness to be vulnerable. I love that you are modelling that for your daughter.

    Remaining “me” is something I’m working on. I’m that way with a few, but I still fear the sting of rejection, even with family. So, I’m a bit of a chameleon. I’ve spent a lifetime learning to adapt to blend into the environment even if the person I present isn’t really me. This has only really started to change in the last two years. I remain constantly blown away that rejection isn’t the order of the day when people are exposed to the real me.

    People are often more than we – or I – give them credit for, I suppose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, fear of rejection and all those heavy draining emotions that go with that is hard to surmount. Recognizing that it’s not you, it’s them and really believing that. In teaching my daughter “you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea nor will everyone be yours, and that’s ok” has been a huge lesson for myself. One that’s still being learned. I agree with the chameleon thing but I guess I view it as my range of being myself. As opposed to wearing a mask. Yes, I think people, the good ones can be so so good.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Not even sure where to begin, because honestly there are times I wonder if I’m being myself with ME. I kknow, that sounds wonky, but as I’m learning about my stubborn brain, bad programming and other odds and ends, I have to kind of re-evaluate the why I say or do something. So, let’s say I’m providing lunch for a classmate 2 days a week, knowing he’s working with an empty belly. Am I doing it because, as my grandfather would say, I want to be Lady Bountiful? Am I doing it because “My fat cells are screaming”? Am I doing it because I’m “nice”? I think I’m doing it because I’ve been hungry and tried to study hungry and it’s wicked hard. But I don’t know – and that’s where confusion lies.
    At this point, I feel like if I can be as salty or loving as I feel called to be at the moment, I’m on a good place. If people can’t roll with that, I’m getting less stressed over their opinions. It’s just beating that lifetime of training.

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    1. That sounds beautiful! For me I am being me if I go with my first thought of kindness rather than over thinking and analyzing my actions. However, my bitch mode definitely requires pause…. no shit- getting out of those lifetime habits that aren’t necessarily serving us.

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