I Hate Being Sick

I’ve caught my dreaded annual cold. As I type this I sit on the couch in my daytime jammies, feeling pissy and prickly about the whole thing. And of course it’s a gorgeous day outside to boot. (Go on Mother Nature and rub it in!) I loathe being sick. Not that anyone actually enjoys feeling down and out. Somehow I think I especially suck at being sick.

Firstly, when I feel the initial stirrings of trouble brewing I amp up on all forms of immune boosters. Vitamin C, Zinc, those little powerful packets of immune boosters, Elderberry and the like. Then I go into a state of denial where I try to will the impending illness away by pretending I am fine with a number of excuses. (I am tired because I didn’t sleep well last night, my allergies are acting up that’s why I am congested, my throat hurts because of mouth breathing.) Fortified now with vitamins and denial I continue on in my day at usual break neck pace.

Yesterday, is a prime example: I thought to myself- Huh- I feel a little something in my throat, a little tickle with a teeny dry cough. After following said prescription above I did a full school day with Baby Reinvention (we homeschool). Did all daily housework and chores. Started and finished a paper shredding project. Led my run group on an aggressively paced run over a bridge twice and went grocery shopping. I came home from the grocery store wilted and shaky with chills. However, when Mr. Reinvention offered to put our groceries away and suggested I shower and go to bed immediately, I deferred because he doesn’t know where everything goes. Or so my insane head told me. I fell into bed about an hour or two  later woozy with Nyquil and hoping I would miraculously feel cured by 6 am so I wouldn’t miss my exercise class.

Of course I woke up today feeling the full effects of whatever germ is trying to knock my body out. Exercise class was out of the question. So I have taken to moving between my bed, the couch and the kitchen table, tissues and tea in tow. I am moving very slowly at all things home management and am haphazardly attempting to teach basic chemistry to my 9 year old. While maintaining my immune booster and added cold medicine regimen. I have now accepted defeat. You got me germs. Plans for a coffee meet-up with a friend this evening have been rescheduled and I have alerted my girlfriend that tomorrow’s beach walk may not happen.

And while I am not exactly drowning in self pity I am hating every minute of my imposed need to slow life down for a bit. Which I think is why I hate being sick. I hate slowing down unless I choose to. I hate not being in control of my body and feeling wonky. I hate missing out on things because I feel yucky. Overall, I am a terrible patient.

Even more ironic is my discompassion for myself. Considering my 20+ years in health care. I was full of compassion and understanding for my patients. But I don’t do very well at feeling deserving of that for myself. I don’t feel that I should allow colds and minor illnesses or injuries to slow me down. I feel that I should be tougher and push through.

My stubborn unwillingness to accept that I, yes even I, am allowed sick days probably doesn’t do much to encourage a quick recovery. On the contrary, in fact.

I can’t be touting self love and acceptance to others if I don’t practice what I preach in all circumstances. Even a little cold.

For today, I am remaining in my pj’s and doing minimal stuff. I am forcing myself to rest and accept and be. I am not going to demean myself by telling myself all the things that I should be doing. I am going to ride out this cold and be nice to myself.

How do you react when you feel under the weather?

xxxxx-

Melissa

4 thoughts on “I Hate Being Sick

  1. This made me laugh. I also practice cold-denial. The excuses sound familiar. I’m sorry you are under the weather. I have come to think that colds are actually a good thing at times. They make us slow down, take care. They help us realize that the world will not stop if we step back or if we let go of control. As to things that I do that help, I’m all about the nostalgia treatments. My mom used to make me warm lemon and honey – so soothing. That and my pjs and some Vicks on my chest and I’m ready to Netflix the cold away.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so correct in this- it’s all about that control! I say often that if you don’t listen to your body eventually you will be forced to. But I also think the rules don’t apply to me! Lol- btw- I am better- this was a few weeks ago. Thankfully!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, yeah, this is me to a T. Keep going, keep pushing on, make sure things get done, that this is being weak sauce, no one but me knows where things go… Honestly, it’s freaking ridiculous the amount of “I am the only one who…” that goes through my head. It’s also one of, if not the major reason, I hate surgery. It slows you down for a bit, and while I don’t go at your pace – it’s a thing.
    Unfortunately, we live in a culture that doesn’t really accept “sick days” from work, which only makes the sharing of the crud the more likely. Add a healthy scoop of people who don’t wash their blasted mitts *shudders* and a lack of personal space in public, and suddenly there are all kinds of icks out there. I can tell you for a fact that at least half of the testing center I go to for my online classes were coughing or sniffling. I’m pretty sure the keyboards and mice and wiped down between students, to say nothing of pencils etc.
    I’m starting to roll with “I feel sick” – it’s only taken me 50 odd years. It means I pound down the tea, the lemon and honey, and occasionally the hot toddy. I nap when I’m tired. If it gets to the point I feel like it’s not going to get better on it’s own, I see my Doc, put on a mask and use that hand sanitizer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true, we really don’t allow, encourage or accept sick days in our culture and it’s pretty bad. That makes the funk all the more shareable. I am better at accepting and staying away from others. Especially with a career around medically fragile people. You know how your minor inconvenience of a cold can throw someone with medical issues for a huge loop. Yeah- relinquishing control. Let it go! Through gritted teeth and white knuckled fists…..here’s me letting it go. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

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