I’ve caught my dreaded annual cold. As I type this I sit on the couch in my daytime jammies, feeling pissy and prickly about the whole thing. And of course it’s a gorgeous day outside to boot. (Go on Mother Nature and rub it in!) I loathe being sick. Not that anyone actually enjoys feeling down and out. Somehow I think I especially suck at being sick.
Firstly, when I feel the initial stirrings of trouble brewing I amp up on all forms of immune boosters. Vitamin C, Zinc, those little powerful packets of immune boosters, Elderberry and the like. Then I go into a state of denial where I try to will the impending illness away by pretending I am fine with a number of excuses. (I am tired because I didn’t sleep well last night, my allergies are acting up that’s why I am congested, my throat hurts because of mouth breathing.) Fortified now with vitamins and denial I continue on in my day at usual break neck pace.
Yesterday, is a prime example: I thought to myself- Huh- I feel a little something in my throat, a little tickle with a teeny dry cough. After following said prescription above I did a full school day with Baby Reinvention (we homeschool). Did all daily housework and chores. Started and finished a paper shredding project. Led my run group on an aggressively paced run over a bridge twice and went grocery shopping. I came home from the grocery store wilted and shaky with chills. However, when Mr. Reinvention offered to put our groceries away and suggested I shower and go to bed immediately, I deferred because he doesn’t know where everything goes. Or so my insane head told me. I fell into bed about an hour or two later woozy with Nyquil and hoping I would miraculously feel cured by 6 am so I wouldn’t miss my exercise class.
Of course I woke up today feeling the full effects of whatever germ is trying to knock my body out. Exercise class was out of the question. So I have taken to moving between my bed, the couch and the kitchen table, tissues and tea in tow. I am moving very slowly at all things home management and am haphazardly attempting to teach basic chemistry to my 9 year old. While maintaining my immune booster and added cold medicine regimen. I have now accepted defeat. You got me germs. Plans for a coffee meet-up with a friend this evening have been rescheduled and I have alerted my girlfriend that tomorrow’s beach walk may not happen.
And while I am not exactly drowning in self pity I am hating every minute of my imposed need to slow life down for a bit. Which I think is why I hate being sick. I hate slowing down unless I choose to. I hate not being in control of my body and feeling wonky. I hate missing out on things because I feel yucky. Overall, I am a terrible patient.
Even more ironic is my discompassion for myself. Considering my 20+ years in health care. I was full of compassion and understanding for my patients. But I don’t do very well at feeling deserving of that for myself. I don’t feel that I should allow colds and minor illnesses or injuries to slow me down. I feel that I should be tougher and push through.
My stubborn unwillingness to accept that I, yes even I, am allowed sick days probably doesn’t do much to encourage a quick recovery. On the contrary, in fact.
I can’t be touting self love and acceptance to others if I don’t practice what I preach in all circumstances. Even a little cold.
For today, I am remaining in my pj’s and doing minimal stuff. I am forcing myself to rest and accept and be. I am not going to demean myself by telling myself all the things that I should be doing. I am going to ride out this cold and be nice to myself.
How do you react when you feel under the weather?